oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
