you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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