He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No subtext here. People are naked.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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