oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I die, sorry about rent.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
