When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
