1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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