i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
