Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
