my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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