I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
