i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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