if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
