she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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