Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
