Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My balls are so social today.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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