i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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