We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
