I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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