Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
