drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
