That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
