hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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