I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
