He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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