Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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