if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
