It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
