So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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