Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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