So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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