spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
