Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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