I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
