i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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