I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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