East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
