Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
