I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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