No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
