Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
