How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
