I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
