remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
