you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
