God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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