sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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