I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
