Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
