I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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