She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
