How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
