I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
