My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
