Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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